Journal on cpmachado

Magnus Numerus

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Wed, 18 Feb 2026 19:50:54 +0000

From building a half-adder(1) to dealing with the overflows of life, it has been a ride. Contemplation of my limits about mathematics has stirred a deep seated feeling of hopelessness. It’s working. I chose to study it, because it was fun and made me feel dumb(a.k.a. challenged). Never expected to feel this dumb, though.

To error is human, and to persist is demonic, according to good Augustine. Also, according to him, we are basically irrelevant except to the eyes of Lord. This made me think of the little things, the more mundane things. In this case, numbers.

Aliqua Pax

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Fri, 13 Feb 2026 19:29:11 +0000

The search for peace should never be postponed, if you can afford it. This is rarely the case in my storm wrecked country. The roads are collapsing, the very ground beneath the homes go with them. People are isolated, suffering and little more. I can hardly call it survival.

Travelling through this stormy age of ours, our ship appears to be at the mercy of winds and tides beyond our control. The rats haven’t jumped, but some signals are in the air. Their sheer ineptitude should makes us understand that the barbarians are at the gate, and this is not a time to fight amongst ourselves.

Indivisa Domus

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Wed, 26 Mar 2025 23:13:27 +0000

My inner self was a house divided against itself.

— St. Augustine of Hippo, “Confessions”, Book VIII, Chapter 8

For lent, the Confessions have been my steadfast source of inspiration and reflection. It’s brought me humility, and grief. Now it promises hope, beyond comfort. For lost I am, and my instincts prevail over truth.

The fair nymph has turned her efforts towards academia. Narcissus, that I am told to be, asks if it’s an attempt to help me find redemption. To join, and walk beside her to build a better life, a dignified life. Truly, it has nothing to do with myself.

Nihil Censeo, ultra.

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Sun, 16 Mar 2025 13:00:15 +0000

It’s long since my thoughts were clear. The face of my cherub keeps me up at night, and awake working at day. There’s nothing else to live for. In spite of it, there’s no will to live without being so, the light at the end of the tunnel is dim, and the energy is scarce.

Day by day, endless discussions ensue. No patience, no plan, and no thought lives. Just plain action, and reaction. The unexamined life is, it’s not just a pandemic, it just is. Darker presences befall the faithful, which fall from the sky above.

Memento Mori

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Sun, 16 Mar 2025 01:06:22 +0000

To a man like no other.

May you find her, and walk through Venice once again.

Memento Mori

– a slave would whisper over the shoulders of a Roman general

According to Wikipedia, better source than most, speaks of it translating to “Remember (that you have) to die”. Can’t express enough love for this quote. Humbling mortals at the moment of their fleeting illusion of immortal glory.

Life is a game, that insane a man makes. The mortal coil breaks insanity. It frees those in suffering, and yet nowadays we daemonize it. I’ve lost a friend some weeks ago, just before I left these lines unwritten. He suffered and endured as it was asked of him, but fortunately peace was found.

Si Vanitas

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Sun, 02 Feb 2025 00:53:11 +0000

Vanity rules this world. There’s no reason for fancy cars, phones, and many others. Consider the case of NFTs, in which you basically you owned a UUID for some given image, most of the times.

For the uninitiated, a UUID is a Universally Unique IDentifier, which basically means a pseudorandom sequence of characters with a low probability of being repeated in a system. It’s useful for technical reasons, but “owning” something like that is just ridiculous. It’s just a name. It’s like a brand, but less useful.

Fac Vivere

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Sun, 26 Jan 2025 17:58:01 +0000

I ought to revisit old half dead projects, and it was so this weekend. Today, a storm hits the coast of my dear country. The weather could be worse, but it’s not a day to be outside. It is not pouring dogs and cats, but the wind is strong and merciless.

My darlings sleep and rest, while I leave the comfort of home for the cafe. It’s half empty and the sun shades float, until one has just flown. There’s some rustle and cries of the desperate workers trying to close them. They worry as it might break inside the glass windows.

Fiat Firmamentum

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Fri, 17 Jan 2025 21:46:23 +0000

Until this day, I didn’t have a driver’s license. Now it changed. Since the fall of Icarus personalized, that it had been a constant struggle. There were advantages, such as never being the designated driver. On the other hand, it reduces and diminishes a man, in today’s world.

It is as such, that the sky appears full of tiny lights, amidst the tenebrae of life. A little hope, a little shining beacon that just pushes a man from the edge at a quantum level. It is the butterfly flap that brings the typhoon on the other side of the world, years from then.

Fiat Lux

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Fri, 10 Jan 2025 23:23:30 +0000

Hello there!

I was supposed to create this by the first of January 2025, but wasn’t able too. There was an expectation of having enough time to build my own Hugo Theme. It’s ironic that it was christened Adiado, which means postponed in Portuguese.

It was what it was, and this is a somewhat disappointing start, but I should thank the author of this theme as it fits my purpose. I’ll consider however contributing to get me some vanity urls for my go packages.

Bad Thursday

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Thu, 21 Nov 2024 21:42:52 +0000

My life’s been like a raft through a storm, rocking on the slightest wave. It shakes so hard, that I’ve been sea sick in some kind of psychosomatic way. It’s late at night, I have an assignment, yet no will or condition to deliver. I’ve been neglecting my studies. It really makes me wonder of what I’m doing.

To be an actor of many faces and responsibilities tends to leave one lacking time for oneself. In a rather forced hand, I’ve decided to cease this night to lose myself in thought and find a way to safe port. There’s need for a sturdier ship for the travels to come, and choices must be made.

Patience and Resignation

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Mon, 09 Sep 2024 17:16:46 +0100

Patience is the word to live by amidst the mess I’m going through. There’s no use in frustration, as I already have the need and will to change. Time is lacking, and that’s a problem not easily solved, as I myself am quite optimized.

This situation evolves to a not so quiet resignation. My body feels it, as it burns through energy in an unproductive way. To make matters worse, disease is around those I love, and lacking magical powers, having all the medical treatment possible available to them, there’s nothing I can do.

A new adventure and its challenges

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Fri, 06 Sep 2024 22:06:24 +0100

Not long ago, I’ve started a new mission. The team’s great, but my confidence is still shaken. It’s complicated to face these pressure and expectations. These are devised and maintained by myself, against my own conscious will.

Some days I’ve been able to function properly, but some days are just horrible. A word of this colleague of mine crumbles my world. The depths of my frustration is boundless, and the strength required to keep composed is beyond measure. I don’t want to be that guy again, the one I was in the past.

Friday Night Madness

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Fri, 12 Jul 2024 21:55:08 +0100

It’s Friday, and it was a hell of a week. My focus eludes me from time to time, but I’ve been able to get a decent load done. Having a light dinner at the bar near my place, and for misery and holy punishment a bunch of kids, idiots as they come, are sited right next to me.

I wonder if they have enough self-awareness to know how ridiculous they look and sound. Not quite sure, and to be honest it’s of little consequence. My patience runs thin nowadays, for the same action I’m taking as well. People are always complaining about other people, but these kind of people just pollute existence.

Ghosts by the Sea

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Fri, 12 Jul 2024 21:41:40 +0100

NOTE: This refers to 2024-06-16, and partially written then.

Today, it was her birthday, but I wasn’t thinking of her. For some dark and ironic cosmical reason, we went to this beach whence I’d never expected to have come without this woman from my past. She was beautiful for me, a kinder soul in a very harsh world for my teenage self.

My days spent in agony, amidst a troublesome academic journey, would be made bearable by her. We didn’t go our own ways in the most reasonable or proper terms. I thought I’d have surpassed that part of my life, yet today, watching those waves coming, her phone number appeared in my mind, as it was burnt there since I got it.

Uma Utopia Numa Livraria

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Thu, 21 Mar 2024 13:53:54 +0000

Este ano tenho lido pouco. Na semana passada, passava pela secção de livros do Continuente do Carregado(também conhecida como a livraria de Alenquer), no qual encontrei dois livros de um autor japonês. Apesar de sempre céptico da onda sensacionalista de orientalismo, cedi e adquiri ambos os livros.

Estes apresentavam-se da maneira mais tentadora possível. Resumidademente, conta uma história numa livraria num bairro com cento e setenta livrarias em Tóquio. Só entreter a ideia da sua existência bastou para os agarrar e ir correr para a caixa.

Rescaldo De Quase Nada

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Mon, 11 Mar 2024 17:24:10 +0000

Ontem foram as famosas eleições legislativas, e choveu sobre o partido do anterior executivo. A esquerda perdeu umas dezenas de deputados, e a maioria acabou no partido que não será nomeado. Penso que isto corrobora a minha hipótese que os bitaites dos questionários online deram esta surpreendente vitória a este grupo de coitados.

Sim, são coitados. Da mesma maneira que quando o “carinhoso” foi para presidente, a maioria dos portugueses deixa levar-se por palavras doutros que os fazem sentir especiais. Como dizia eu na altura, “Deus me livre, o que a dona de casa vai pensar a partir de amanhã.”.

Reservatório Cheio

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Sun, 03 Mar 2024 22:46:01 +0000

O fim de semana simplesmente passou. Hoje, dormi mal, e mal acordei tive a sensação que já era segunda, mas não era, era apenas domingo. Há semanas que durmo mal, porque o meu cérebro está na sua rotina de tentar de se preocupar com tudo e concentrar-se em nada, por muito que tente.

Estou em certa medida a tentar resolver a situação pelo único método que conheço. Este é sentar-me, começar a escrever até que algo resulte. Um amador espera que a inspiração venha abençoá-lo, o profissional sentasse e trabalha. Neste sentido diria que é um meta-trabalho, que é terrivelmente subvalorizado.

On Reading Habits

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Thu, 29 Feb 2024 11:21:18 +0000

Note: Created a new section on the books that I read at books

For the last couple years, I’ve been trying to improve my reading habits. Unfortunately, they’ve been lacking for the last few months. It’s a new year, and just now finished the first book of the year. Although it was a long one, that’s been present for almost the duration of this experiment, I’d normally range around half a dozen by now, and I’m not talking about skimming.

Honourable Schoolboy

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Wed, 28 Feb 2024 23:32:42 +0000

It’s been two years to finish. The glorious day had this book by my side. I’m talking about “Honourable Schoolboy” by John Le Carré. It appears to me that finishing the book today is an omen of some kind, or so speaks my slightly superstitious side. Maybe being facetious in some way is a personal trait, can’t say to have an answer.

It’s the end of a cycle of drowning, or so I hope. I bought and started it, when everything started going nasty, professionally. When something goes wrong in life, it tends to spread like some kind of mould, and, before you know it, everything starts to collapse.

Um país curioso

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Fri, 23 Feb 2024 23:21:29 +0000

Na televisão discutem banalidades uns quantos intitulados candidatos. Por outros tantos ecrãs, domina a partilha de questionários sobre em quem votar, porque reflectir e analisar esta fantochada não parece compensar. Neste país curioso assim se decidem eleições.

Saio de casa para esta fria e húmida noite de chuva, à procura de café para me libertar deste torpor que a alucinação em massa induz. Com alguma sorte, encontro mesas vazias no restaurante perto de casa. Não jantei, nem janto. A cozinha já fechou, e felizmente não tenho fome, mas não posso dizer o mesmo de muitos concidadãos nesta estranha noite.

CLI et TUI vivunt

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Tue, 26 Sep 2023 00:33:14 +0100

This is not clickbait, I promise. It is however a very trivial article. The title means that CLIs and TUIs live, in Latin. You might ask yourself if this is yet another article on why CLIs and TUIs are great. Is it though?

For the past month, I’ve been looking into Go. A mate talked a lot about it, in early August. It made me consider of what it would be to go back to it.(bad pun, I know)

22

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Mon, 11 Sep 2023 15:17:23 +0100

It’s not 23, but 22 years since 9/11. Two planes crashed against the twin towers, in New York City, another in the pentagon, and another didn’t reach its destination.

It was earlier this morning that it hit me. There are adults nowadays, or rather children who are in the 18-22 gap, that weren’t born or have living memory of this historic event. Curious days were those, in which I, a child, trembled and felt restrictions from this event.

Imposter syndrome

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Fri, 01 Sep 2023 00:52:13 +0100

It has been a testing time. At every corner, self doubt crashes like tsunami waves. A series of failures makes you doubt completely about the ability to do just about anything. Frying an egg or washing the dishes appears an untenable goal.

Even had to look up ‘syndrome’.

I wasn’t sure how to spell it.

My mind has been filled up with this. It’s taxing, and it makes scarce the energy to tackle life’s challenges. Some years appear to have been easier, but it’s probably just hindsight.

Another return to chess?

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Wed, 23 Aug 2023 10:57:44 +0100

TL&DR: After last year’s troubled tournament, I’ve not touched a chess set properly. Some days ago decided to return to it.

Last Sunday, I went for a stroll trying to figure out the mess that we call life, when the urge for the bitter caffeinated drug forced a stop. Passing through the old corner, I was informed that there was a chess enthusiast in the crowd.

Due to pressing issues, I didn’t chat too much with this curious fellow, but it made me think about chess. Chess appeared as a true and proper hobby, a refuge from the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Amidst the eight by eight board, anyone is transported to a different world, of certainty, beauty and rigor.

GitHub cleanup/Paradigm Shift

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Sun, 30 Jul 2023 14:14:54 +0100

For those who know me personally, it’s not news that life’s been kind of harsh in my twenties. For the last few days I took drastic measures, and start to organize my whole life, with reasonable goals. This sounds crazy as it sounds a completely unreasonable goal from the start.

GitHub and my cleanup #

I’ve been around for years with many different handles, for the other ones I care little nowadays. This one had around 40+ repositories associated with it, spread across different organizations.

Dazed and Confused

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Sat, 24 Jun 2023 19:20:48 +0100

Been dazed and confused for so long it’s not true

– Led Zeppelin, Dazed And Confused

Had a couple of rough weeks. I was so happy for my assignment score in Discrete Mathematics, that I actually thought I was meant to be taking this degree.

Last Thursday, it was the global evaluation, and didn’t look that bad. God knows my hubris came to bite me. Went against a wall. The sorry excuse for a student might survive, but his ego took a toll.

Um pouco de sucesso

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Fri, 02 Jun 2023 18:31:28 +0100

Desde de Setembro que estou a tirar uma licenciatura em Matemática. Há uns dias comecei a publicar alguns teoremas de um trabalho, que fiz há um mês. Os artigos em questão são:

[mdc-n-1-n-2-1]({{ site.url }}/mathematics/discrete-mathematics/mdc-n-1-n-2-1)
[3-3n-1-mod-13]({{ site.url }}/mathematics/discrete-mathematics/3-3n-1-mod-13)
[169-3-3n-3-26n-27]({{ site.url }}/mathematics/discrete-mathematics/169-3-3n-3-26n-27)
[python-for-counting-number-of-integer-divisors]({{ site.url }}/dev/mathematics/python/discrete-mathematics/python-for-counting-number-of-integer-divisors)
[p-mdc-a-b-1-mod-n]({{ site.url }}/mathematics/discrete-mathematics/p-mdc-a-b-1-mod-n)
[n-1-n-2-1]({{ site.url }}/mathematics/discrete-mathematics/n-1-n-2-1)
[326-2-325-2-0-mod-3]({{ site.url }}/mathematics/discrete-mathematics/326-2-325-2-0-mod-3)

Soube hoje que tive 20 nesse trabalho. O meu primeiro 20, desde que entrei em Matemática. Conciliar tudo é bastante complicado, pelo que esta notícia deixou-me bastante feliz. Não pelo resultado em si, mas porque depois de tanto esforço, parece que estou a conseguir fazer algo de jeito.

Back in the game

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Sat, 27 May 2023 17:49:15 +0100

TL&DR: Yet again trying to write more consistently. Struggles towards a new and better life.

It’s been some eventful months, since the last post. I’ve become a father, and returned to be a student. This time, I’m studying Mathematics. The nights can be troubled, and worries are plenty. The joy of fatherhood has some truth to it, regardless of the aforementioned troubles.

Lately, I’ve been terribly lacking in terms of my performance professionally and academically, not for lack of skill, but of motivation. There’s so much time and mental acuity for anything. Thus it came to me some months ago, to pivot towards cybersecurity. The dev life is less suited to me as time passes. It’s simply as recognising that I’ve some sort of obsession about it, that it’s not entirely healthy or conducting to a happy life.

Search for an afternoon

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Sat, 10 Sep 2022 18:26:26 +0100

TL&DR: After Mirandela, I had my birthday and other events, which drove to some form of anhedonia. This text documents each of the steps down the rabbit hole, and my return to some form of sanity.

Overview #

Going to Mirandela was a great experience, albeit the issues that arose. Health and motivation go hand in hand, and whence one falters, the other follows. Round 5 more than the other issues was the determining factor. A poison like no other.

A night in pain

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Fri, 19 Aug 2022 14:46:20 +0100

TL&DR: Learnt that I was wrong, and that I was truly sick. Spent a very nasty night and day so far.

A night in pain #

None could’ve been more wrong. As soon as I was about to leave the hotel, I collapsed by the entrance. The pain was unlike anything I’ve experienced since a similar incident in 2020.

My back was aching, and I expected it to be nothing more, but I was wrong again. My guts flared up, and then it hit me. I’ve been experiencing some strange lack of appetite for the last week or so, and couldn’t put my finger on the cause.

Surreal pain

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Thu, 18 Aug 2022 17:46:00 +0100

TL&DR: Musings on psychosomatic symptoms, and how anxiety sometimes goes overboard.

Dr. Chris Taub : You know he just doesn’t want to live in pain.

Dr. Gregory House : Life is pain! I wake up every morning in pain! Work is pain! You know how many times I just wanted to give up? How many times I’ve thought about ending it?

– House M.D.

Having lost, it made me think about the trajectory of things. Due to stress induced by this whole affair, when I went to my room, it hit me. A striking, and merciless back pain holding no punches.

Reboot

cpmachado@protonmail.com (Carlos Pinto Machado) — Thu, 19 Aug 2021 18:16:09 +0100

TL&DR: I’m back into spamming here, but spent 3 months without doing it again.

Rebooting my blog, as my old content was mostly the ramblings on the tales of 0x3E9 bugs that is my life. Trying to be more productive towards society. This rebirth comes from a time of crisis, whilst all the evils in the world appear to triumph.

Look at Afghanistan, my country’s slow descent into fascism amidst the COVID-19 crisis, and so much more. People got cabin fever, and whence restrictions were relaxed, the world has gone awry. Yes, we still use masks, but how many parties have you been going to?